Pain Within the Soul
by Emilia Delko
Summary: Eric gets shot and is stuck to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. While Natalia is out late at night, he calls Ryan to calm himself down from his breaking point. Very Emotional.


**AN: Based on the song, Ghetto Vet, by Ice Cube. I have learned to put myself in perspective, so I have put myself in Ice Cubes shoes, and altered it to fit Eric's life. There will be a lot of OOC moments. Eric and Natalia are in a relationship. He was never shot in the head and he was let go from MDPD**

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><p>"These haters are tryna blow me up!"<p>

"Who's calling?" Ryan cooed in the bottom of his telephone.  
>"Who you think?" Punching the wall next to his bed from Ryan's stupidity. "My whole life just flashed before my eyes." Eric shed one single tear before carrying on.<p>

"Life, man. When we used catch those criminals, Horatio would always get to me. Not you, or Natalia. Me and Speed and sometimes Calleigh. We would shoot all our enemies; well Horatios enemies. My gun would always needed to be refilled, usually carrying 3 extra magazines with me just in case. We were the best team. Just us 4 plus Alexx. Catching every damn criminal that decided to break the law." Eric laughed at his own paradox. "They would escape the jail, but we would still catch them in the act of another robbery or murder."

"But that all changed. I remember being on the boat, diving to get something for the case. Speed borrowed Calleighs UV light and said she'll kill him if he uses it without charging it again. Little did she, we know that it would be a reality. Horatio and Speed had to go to some expensive jewelry store to get the suspect- he own that place. A bullet just missed his head, he pulled his gun out and tried to shoot. The damn thing won't work! The thing with Speed, he would never clean his gun. That stupid thing would always misfire; Calleigh would always feel responsible if he would get shot because of his gun. While trying to fix his gun- Horatio saw it. He saw the bullet fire in his heart. Horatio didn't know what to do with himself that day, he told me. Calleigh felt responsible. Alexx couldn't autopsy and Horatio had to take 2 days off. The hardest part had to be the funeral Ryan, I saw Calleigh shed her first tear that day, still feeling greatly responsible for what was going on. She though if she reamed him a new asshole every time his gun misfired, it would get him to clean his gun and get inspected. Speed wouldn't listen to her constant rants. He was absolutely persistent with his laziness, even though that's also a paradox."

"Once that coffin of his hit the ground, I swear I saw Calleigh jump. But that thump changed her. She used to wear whacky clips and her clothes were fun and sexy at the same time. But now it's black and white, and blue sometime. Her attitude changed too, ah I can't even keep up with her anymore. It's like I don't know her. I can always remember her disciplining me when I would go to clubs to hook up with random girls. When John Hagen shot himself in her lab, that was when she strictly kept work with work and personal life with her personal time. She didn't crack jokes, she didn't flash her super sexy smile anymore. It was the new 'professional' mode. I don't know what she has been doing anymore. But, she put that stupid cross in my hand, so she's confusing me, forgetting. No, Calleigh wouldn't forget my relationship with Natalia. It's not like her, she can't forget anything."

"She loves you. And vica versa to you."  
>Ryan sat at his island and listened to every word that spilled out of Eric's mouth.<p>

"God damn it, Wolfe! You know I love Natalia!" Eric popped a couple of aspirin.

"Some girl was pushed out in front of the bus and I had to work that case with Calleigh. She was boring, and said nothing that had nothing to do with the case. You were hired that next hour or so, no interview, or application. It was, we need a new teammate, so felicitation, brother, welcome to the CSI lab. I hated you. You replaced my dead best friend so I couldn't just respect you all of a sudden. I mean, it was a matter of days since Speedle died. Plus, you walked in the first day looking like you belonged on an episode of Miami Vice, sweater vest and all. But, you gave me time, well, everyone decided it was not best to push my buttons until my face got softer."

Eric paused his story to reconcile. "Ryan, I better not hear this come out of Natalia's mouth when she comes home."

"I got your back."

"I walked out of the elevator after the break they gave us. The lab looked bright and lively. That's when I met Natalia. It was love at first sight for me. My corny pick up lines disintegrated in my head before she introduced herself. She said, 'Natalia. Natalia Boa Vista.' and I was all like, 'My favorite snake' as the idiot I was. She laughed and it was beautiful. How she ended up in my bed the next morning I would never know, but that just justified everything that had to do with teething and one night stands. It was her, the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Mostly, that happened. We are so in love, even with this void. She knew there was nothing that I can try. I mean, there is stem cell surgery. But I went to their office and all they doctors be like, get in, bitch. I happily declined. But all I know, Natalia is crazy in love, as am I."

"Eric, I-" Ryan attempted to interrupt.

"Don't you dare interrupt me, Wolfe. Not now."

"I all started when I was trying to obtain the guns that fell out of the truck that exploded by the manhole cover. Then I was on the parking structure. Me and H were trying to find a silver Mercedes, which was holding a women. The air she had left was thinning and I spotted the car. My eyes literally locked onto the car. It was that damn car! I attempted to run, but H held me back. I still sped to that car; there was a women in that car who needed to live. Bullets were being projected out of nowhere. And suddenly, it hit me; literally. I was shot in my sciatic nerve. That shit burned man! Face down in the mud, puddle full of blood. What was I doing just chilling on the ground, acting all hurt and what not? Horatio ran towards me and dragged me to the car. Shots still rang out as I attempted to block the blood flowing out of my joint. Once that bullet fired from that gun, def the one that would change my whole life. 3 millimeters away from my temporal lobe. That... That dumb bullet was lodged in the blue car that was keeping me in a sitting position. My eyes grew wider than Camiel's hips- you know the receptionist for the chief. I knew Horatio was picturing the day Speed died because that look in his eyes; it already read grief. I have seen that face of his numerous times. Mari, Speed, Raymond. Countless victims and such. I knew I wasn't going to die; it was a different grief. He knew he would have to let me go. I couldn't just be waltzing around the lab, pulling my wheel chair with bandanas tied to the posts and a nifty little backpack on the back of it. I would just be carried by everyone around me. Which will aggravate me."

"Damn man, I feel your pain."

"You don't know anything!" Eric shouted into the phone.

"I get rushed into ICU, the bullet lodged in my bone, so they're taking all they fancy tools to take it out. Clearly nobody cares that I can feel their scalpels perching my skin. Finally, tears formed from the pain that shoots up my leg. They don't put me on shit. All they care is that .22. It feels like scratching on a bare bone that was open to the marrow, than lit on fire. That's all I could feel, burning throughout my body. No simile, no metaphor to describe to you the burning sensation. I got like, six doctors around me, a few working on the lacerations on my arms and feet. One working to close up the stitch and one working on my vitals. All I saw was turquoise masses rush around me. They all tryna not hurt me, some touched my face in sympathy and some, some just completely ignored me."

"The doctor walks into my room with a huge yellow envelope. It made me remember when Natalia thought she was pregnant. He said 'A bullet hit a nerve that was vital.' I'm all like, I can't move my legs! But, Natalia's voice rang through my ears sayin' 'Yeah baby don't try to'. Pain shoots up my leg, pain inside; contemplating suicide. The look on Nat's face when she brought me home, and realizes that my chair can't fit through our front door, almost running over the dog. Damn Ryan, I hate the way she looks at me, like I am on life support. She can't help it though, I gave her something to sympathize because she was on the other side of the perspective a while back. The bad part is at night, I be staying up all hours of the night, trying to decide what to do, and what to do with Natalia. A woman like her? Hell, that woman can't last a few days without irresponsible sex, let alone a life time. Worst part is, she jerk and jerk, but ma dick don't work! It don't even hurt! I know she is cheating on me. Natalia asked me. I of course said yes, I can't see her irritable every day. So we agreed on whenever she wants, she sex it up with a man of her choice. Ah dude, why you even care man?"

"It's me." And again, Ryan gets interrupted before he tells Eric who exactly Natalia is 'sex it up' with.

"Some days, I would be sitting on the front porch, just minding my own business. Mari's druggies found out that I was let go and subsided to a wheel chair. They come here, bring all they Captain Morgan and cocaine; excuse is for a welcome home gift. Feeling like a loser, alcohol abuser. Horatio would pull up, usually surprise visits were his thing, but when the hummer pulls up, those dusty ass bitches, run like track meets to get away from him. See, whenever I even say H or Horatio, they scatter like water bugs. They don't want to get caught Ryan, it's like they only want to get me drunk. Not like I could do anything as a vet."

"Dude..." Ryan couldn't get any more sorrow.

"They come up to me. My house shoes gettin wet from taking out the trash. They say, 'Oh you from tha Cuban side is it so?' I say, 'Hell yeah! And who wanna know?" Natalia looks at the scene that is on the sidewalk from the deck. All wrapped up in her sexy cashmere sweater, hair tied up and eyes watering. I would constantly look back at her, giving me a concern look; sometimes a disappointed look. When her eyes scream disappointment, she would sigh and go inside to water the flowers in the front window, still looking over me like Imma kid. Its wicked annoying, but I would do the same thing. She still don't know I tatted my back, but she doesn't have to know. Nobody does, and it kills me that I have to keep secrets from her to keep her from going ballistic, but it's not like she can do anything about it now, it's permanent! Maybe I will tell her. She cooks me food, Giada Delorentez might be living in my house; I can't tell the difference, because her cooking is good, helps me into bed; she put her life after mine, and I take that for granted, not knowing when she's just going to leave and go to another man. I depend on Nat to keep my ass alive; I probably would be dead if she was gone, or worse; murdered by Marisol's dope man. Everybody want to put their dope on me because I won't get searched by the MDPD, they were my friends. Plus, they'll bring those hoes, with their legs looking like toothpicks. I can't be near them. I would just roll up my ramp, and subside on my couch to watch my Bones. Natalia would be at work, and I would want to call her, hear her voice to calm me down. Ryan, Maxine would always pick up! That ain't her lab, why is she in there? Tell her to get to her own lab so I can listen to Nat speak her words. I sit there motionless as I wait for Maxine to go. It doesn't work."

Natalia was at Ryan's house, eaves dropping on their conversation. Hearing all of these, all of these confessions and all of his thoughts being spilled over the phone, broke her to tears.

"Shh." Ryan soothed Natalia who was sitting on his bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Natalia is there, isn't she Wolfe?" Eric said over the phone. "I'm still smart. I was only shot in the leg."

"I love you, love you so much." Whispers barely left her mouth, but Eric could hear them, his hearing was excellent.

"Come home baby, I miss you so much." Eric hung up and threw the phone across his bedroom; wanting to burn it.


End file.
